I dedicate this blog to my twin since the second grade, April - who continues to demonstrate unconditional love, acceptance, and understanding through her work and spiritual devotion.
Dark cloud casting over me and before I know it, the shoulda, coulda, wouldas start pouring down. Freezing from the cold paralysis of fear, I sit. Thrusting myself out into what is known as "the big leagues", hundreds of job listings are thrown at me at an overwhelming speed. Where do I begin? What qualifications do I have that constitutes my ability to step into these roles that appear to be a sentence long? Then I'm suddenly confronted with the big bang...The requirements...which usually consists of at least one item that automatically disqualifies me from the job when technology is the medium and not an actual person. The truth is, in the past, I was able to execute a job that I was under qualified for, why? Because I had some amazing employers, whom I knew right off the bat, that we had the chemistry to work together and do it very well. Once I learned the skills on the job, the rest was history.
Now staring back at my laptop, I sit under the assumption that this is a different game. Yes, maybe I should have taken extensive courses in film, maybe I could have tried to take a college course here and there during the time when I had a better stable income, looking back, maybe...just maybe I would have awakened from my comatose, miserable, table waiting, audition pursuing days years earlier, returning to Manhattan sooner to finish my degree.
But that's all sweet and wonderful angst, in perfect preparation for my poetry writing sessions. What can I do about it now? Well...Look at my laptop for jobs...with that said, my current projects were left untouched in order to tackle the larger assignment of sifting through the jobs and seeing how I can actually and accurately contribute to this industry. That's the only option I can think of unless someone recommends otherwise. Is this the price involved in taking risks when doing or pursuing what we want to do? Could it turn into a debt we are unable to pay? And who coined the phrase "While I was busy making plans, life happened"? What was happening in their life that inspired this phrase, to describe our work culture?