I dedicate this blog to this past year's job experience...Because you made me write this.
It happened...There came a clash between my current professional persona and my past professional persona. It's obvious that these two situations were polar opposites, regarding body, mind, and soul activity. My current profession? I am dealing with documentation that desperately needs editing, re-editing, putting my brain into consistent process of thinking, in order to stay attentive to detail at all times. Honestly, I don't love this job and it's certainly not the best mood lifter, either, since EVERYTHING must be viewed under a very critical eye. But receiving positive feedback as the results begin to generate up to my supervisor, is something I do love.
Last week, at work, I received a phone call from an individual, who was a referral from a wonderful real estate client I had last year. As I listened to their needs a spark of feeling reignited. I forwarded their information to my last employer and truthfully, touching base with my former employer was a warm reminder of how much I really enjoyed helping clients find their new home. That too, wasn't an easy job, doing the research, scheduling appointments, meeting individuals (most were coming to the U.S. for the very first time, which that itself can be extremely overwhelming, but I could relate, being a young girl who moved from small town, suburbia, Texas to NYC - P.S. culture shock is real.) Once these feelings took over, it was as if the sky was the limit all over again, anything was possible, my energy could send me on a marathon running spree in a blink of an eye.
So, I enjoyed the feeling I received when working with clients, why did I stop?
As much I as was excited about feelings of optimism, there were also harsh, unpleasant, ones that came with the territory. The downside of that reality eventually crept up and took control whenever certain deals seemed impossible to accomplish. There were, not only moments of extreme anger and frustration when a deal did not work out in the favor of my client, but there were moments of disconnect that became numbing and seemed unbearable for my level of sensitivity. Whether or not I was having a good day, as time progressed, I was becoming emotionally drained, leaving me with the lack certainty that I had anything of value to offer.
Walking home at the end of my work day, after that call, I suddenly found myself awkwardly torn between the two hemispheres; Thinking vs. Feeling.
I wandered up to St. Patrick's Cathedral, where I sometimes go to light a candle, in memory of my paternal Grandmother. I sat down and although I was fully aware that mass was taking place (and that I do not feel spiritually connected upon a praying ritual) I did kneel down, bow my head to rest upon my hands...And just be...
And the thinking began to tell me that I was feeling raw...
I decided to dig a little deeper by confronting these questions - aside from supervisors, clients, professional personas - WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHENEVER THINKING OR FEELING TAKES OVER? WHAT ARE THE REWARDS FOR EACH ACTION, IF THERE ARE ANY?
In the act THINKING, I have the ability to process and build...With that I have gained more access to put into words what I want and design the steps I need to take to get it. What's rewarding about it? It allows me to take: Take in the knowledge from books I've read, every experience I've endured, every question I want answered...And with that, it has also been the driver and the reason for finally gaining the courage to launch this blog...The birth of my daily reminder that I have something to say...Now say it.
In the act of FEELING, I am allowed access to this connectivity to the universe, enter-acting with people, animals, and places. What's rewarding about it? It has a way of relating with the ability to give. And giving generates genuine care, builds relationships, creates opportunity to bring more love and joy into my life.
I have come to the conclusion that there is a delicate balance that needs to be found between thinking and feeling. THINK, but don't do it to the point where everything is greeted with skepticism and criticism. FEEL, but don't let the emotions spin so far out of control that I am unable to handle tough situations. Seeing what they have provided thus far, both have their place in my life and deserve their fair share of the spotlight.
Maybe, if there is anything that I am to take away from mid-year 2016, it is to find a way to nurture and fine tune my wants and needs so that thinking and feeling are able to collaborate. And together, maybe they will help me fly smoother among the highs and lows of this lovingly, crazy, production, I call life.