From What To Do at 32, To All of Me At 33

woman looking into birthday candle flame

This has been the most unpredictable, irresistible year of my life.

I spent my 32nd year on this planet wallowing with uncertainty, helplessness, and grief. But through that discomfort, I was guided to a path where I was to discover the true meaning and value of my life. From here on out, I walk the path where money and status won't define me. The people and how I choose to contribute to society is far more important. At 32, I came to a stand still and did not continue to chase agendas, goals, and individuals that are toxic, or shall I say "in need to put me in my place." My place is with those who raise me up, encourage me, tell me that I am capable of achieving greatness and can always do better and beyond my imagination.

I just hope that on this day and this very year, I give back as much as the people in my life have given me.

So looking back at last year's list, obviously, I was coming off of a high induced by the Saturday Night Live Exhibit that reconnected me to the joys of childhood, however, I've noticed there were other things that were awakened...

Seeing the joy, the curiosity, the fears, the desperate need to be daring, I've had to sit down and make a new list:

What Did I Actually Do At 32?

- Still worked on getting "Tempt!" out of post production.

- Submitted material for one act play festivals.

- Wrote and submitted essays for the New Yorker.

- Received a nomination to submit my first full length play into the Cherry Lane Theatre Mentorship Program.

- Worked production and film crew on 3 short films under a 72 hour completion challenge.

- Successfully left the real estate industry.

- Wrote more poetry than I've written since 2004.

- Launched my first blog.

...So looking back on my angst, self doubt, and frustration, I guess I can say that the way I chose to handle it was not bad. And with the love and affection from all of the beautiful birthday wishes presented to me, I'd like to look at this list of accomplishments and state the following:

It is with great gratitude that I can strive to do and go beyond my expectations and it's all because of you. Thank you so much and just a little token to show my appreciation, I leave with you the ultimate lesson I learned this past year.

The writing was on the wall, I just needed to validate it.

girl in black paint

Do you think it's beautiful or ugly?

God, I hope it's both! I've realized I don't just want to experience the good, I want the whole thing!

If I'm blind stricken by consuming only one side of the vision, then I will be left lost in shock and sorrow, should it be thought otherwise in a world beyond me and that can get pretty ugly. Of course I say this and I'm now learning that with sorrow comes new lessons with deeper outlets and insight which makes the whole experience beautiful...


All I know is if life's reflections are beautiful and ugly at the same time, it makes way for a new movement, a new vision.

It's called originality.

Ramon painting with writing on the wall

#birthday #journey #grief #life #sorrow #learning #lessons #enlightenment #vision #love #support #wishes

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